‘Regrets, I’ve got a few. But then again…’
by (Little) Larry Pattison
It’s 5:18 and I have been up for a few hours now. We all have our nights of unrest I am sure, not unlike my restlessness tonight, even amidst those early hours when you should be so exhausted that you sleep soundly past the 4th and 5th snooze.
Maybe I’ll check social media.
Give the animals some needed attention. Even they tire and lay down their heads.
Do I turn the television on? Too bright. Too loud. Too much effort.
Why not watch something on one of too many time-sucking devices. Okay. Fuller House. I’ve been enjoying this flashback/forward into the past. Everybody is ‘partnering’ up.
Phone off. Back to sleep?
Pick up phone again. How about a movie? The rest of The Terminal that I fell asleep to just a couple of hours ago maybe.
Not available. Smart alec software makes a few recommendations. (The cat steps on my keyboard while editing. Now bumping her head off of keyboard tray. Good thing for undo.)
The Truman Show. Cool. Haven’t seen that in forever. Good lessons in it related to having your life on display. Click on it. It makes more recommendations still.
Okay. Click. Cool! Haven’t seen that in a long time and remember it ‘waking me up’.
Thought I’d fall asleep to it. Screen time. Dogs humping stuffies. The tainted memories.
‘Time is flying by middled-aged girls.’ The snow in her snout. The slight swaying tummy of a once scrawny, crazed cat. Two hampsters. Fish. Now a Gecko.
The magical parent’s life.
The girls? Insert sad emoticon.
Guess the lesson is working the second time around. I’m sure I thought that the first time.
Here I am. After a snack, starting the dishwasher that I never use, sweeping, picking up park stick remnants, giving the cat some long, long anticipated wet food, contemplating picking up where I left off with the endless sock sorting game I can’t convince the kids is fun, to finally finding myself sitting at my computer writing about doing too many things without some sort of at least rough draft of a plan.
Staring at screen. What’s this little gadget on my desk that can distract me from writing.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Cat jumps on my desk in front of the screen I am peering around. Jumps down. I’m sure the dog will be over soon to bump my arm with her wet nose. I’ll reach down for a kiss. A pat. ‘Soon.’
Tap. Tap. Tap..
Staring at screen.
Weird little gadget again.
Now the cat’s (Sand is her name) is on my lap purring like a happy girl who had soft food for the first time in awhile without pretending she is being sneaky stealing a fry from my lunch.
Pats. Kisses and resting my head on hers. “I love you.”
Sometimes a story has it’s own journey. I think the biggest change I need to make is seeing more clearly, what I need for me to be my best self.
Wish I’d learned more the first time around because the second time around just exemplifies the sadness the original message wisened me up to.
Why didn’t it? Why doesn’t it? Why always the hard way?
My life is rushing past me like the train that will be quietly whizzing through my neighborhood what will soon be tomorrow.
Are we all afraid of what lies ahead however far or near? I keep saying what I am scared about most is looking back without recollection of the stories behind the million pictures I’ve taken.
I recently put a photo album together for my parents comprised of pictures of the first years of their granddaughter’s lives. Well I printed the pictures at least. That was a start for me. Then there are hundred’s of more pictures I’d like to find/sort through.
Maybe if I’d take a few moments from time to time to look back at where I’ve been, looking back wouldn’t seem such a space void of what I have really accomplished.
If you haven’t seen Click with Kate and Adam, do. Like many of his gooffy films, the basis is solid and something I have a great deal of respect for him over.
I usually get too technical and start creating all sorts of hyperlinks that lead to way too much time learning about what I don’t need to know about, and less doing what’s needed or in the best interest of a project or sanity.
So go learn about the movie for yourself. Is ‘lol’ appropriate for blogs? I hope not. ‘Chuckling out loud in my head.’
I’ll leave the meaning for you to interpret but my wake up call has me wanting to stay up all night writing about it.
Time to just do it.
Be brave icehopper.
Wait. It’s 6:13 am (now 7:03). I guess it was all night after all. I actually like these nights. The ones where inspiration replaces the need for workplace coffee.
“Okay, Pretty Girl. Let’s go for a walk.”
Gracie is her name.
Okay. Now strong coffee though and maybe some song recommendations to keep me awake until midnight.